Here’s the solution:
Set up your mat near the play area. Put on some Raffi. Do a dance party as your warm up. When you get a chance, do downward facing dog for ten breaths. On breath eight, your kid will hit you in the back of the head with a toy camera. You’ll see stars. These are the visions of more and more light mentioned in the Shvetashvatara Upanishad. You are on your way to Brahman.
Flip over. Pick your kid up with your feet. Airplane *is* supine dandasana! Partner yoga! Maybe your kid will become a great sage due to your influence. Lower your child. Come into child’s pose, extend your arms, pop up on your fingertips to activate your shoulders. Feel your child playing with your hair. Feel your child yank your hair. Yell, “F*%k!” Yell it ten more times. Yell it with every fiber of your being. Now you have done your chanting.
Head to the laundry room with your child. Lower into a deep squat as you load the washer. Take ten breaths. As you prepare for crow pose, notice you’ve left the baby gate open. Your child is on the steps with a screwdriver in each hand. Realize you are a terrible parent, probably the worst there’s ever been.
Grab a strap. The strap of the high chair. Fix your child to the high chair with the strap. There are whole apples right there in the basket and applesauce in the fridge but give your child a pouch. Make macaroni and cheese. Out of the box. For the seventh day in a row.
As you stir the macaroni, realize that these thoughts of failing as a parent and a yogi are klishta vrittis, not helpful to your practice. You need, as Patanjali puts it, to still the modifications of the mind. Stand in tree pose to build dharana, concentration, as you stir the pot. Eat the macaroni and cheese with your child as a way to develop an attitude of non attachment to your diet.
Dig out a toy from the bottom of the toy chest, one your kid hasn’t seen in awhile. Your child is joyful. You are a karma yogi, doing service to all beings. With your child occupied, practice handstand at the wall. See that your practice is not a total joke. Who knows? In a few weeks, you might be doing karandavasana like that guy you saw on YouTube while you were eating your mac and cheese. Here it comes, by the way. Your mac and cheese.
Practice Vamana, therapeutic vomiting, to pacify aggravated kapha dosha. When you are finished, pull your child out of the catbox. Make sure to do this on both sides. Put your child in bed. When your child gets out of bed, repeat. Do this ten more times to stabilize the core. Lie down next to your child and enter savasana. Set an intention to remain aware. If your body falls asleep, practice meditation in your dream body. You can do it because you are a yogi.
suburbanyogadad.com 